“Him”, may not even exist (the thought of “Him” may not exist as it did before to you in the past). However, there’s a fear within us that you will go back to “him”.
Let me explain…
Ladies, please understand that it is always in the back of a man’s mind, this dormant fear that you can do better than us. That you’ll return to an old flame, maybe your so called “Best Friend”, who has always been more.
It may seem pointless to you as women, but as a man, we subconsciously do a S.W.O.T analysis (Strengths, Weakness, Opportunity, Threat) of all your past/present & future associations with other men. We are always on the look out for that next potential threat. Will it be your coworker? The ex-boyfriend you still talks to? That one friend who always kept his emotions at bay, or the suave tongued twitter talker lol.
But why are we so fearful of a guy who isn’t even relevant? It is because of this rumoured fact, most of the time ladies already have their back up guy in the picture whilst concurrently keeping us the “main” guy in the frame. In some instances its that real, and let’s not deny that we haven’t ever heard of such happenings before or had someone close to us in this mind-numbing situation. Furthermore, let’s analyse our past break-ups and subsequent future relationships and see if there’s an overlap after the initial break-up. Think about it, did you find/know your future man while dating your ex man?
Trust me when i write this editorial, it can be tough being in a relationship when your girlfriend continues to have strong male “friendships” that can threaten your status. The whole “you should trust me” talk feels meaningless because you’re feeling that your power base is gradually being eroded As men, territorial creatures, we’d rather you remove that threat as our woman and let us focus on our relationship exclusively.
I guess what I’m saying is, the way we structure our relationships can create fear and paranoia.
In fact, two personal experiences I had made me recount that “you’ll go back to him” feeling: When I was in college, I was dating a girl in the same college (that failed for three reasons), she didn’t make me aware that 1) her ex was also attending our college, 2) that the both of them still communicated and 3) she felt that those two crucial points were irrelevant to mention whilst we were getting together.
Now, there could have been a chance for me to be cool and act like “it’s nothing, I’m with her now”, had she let me know. However, she didn’t and the whole set up made me feel uneasy and uncomfortable. Which resulted in me having to drop her because of that, and other annoying things that stemmed from her “associations”.
The second time I encountered this paradigm was when I entered a relationship with a lady whose previous relationship had lasted four long years. I’ll be honest; it was like living in the shadow of a mountain. In the back of my mind I kept thinking, “she will go back to him. They’ve got more of history, they’ve been through more, and they’ve had a life together.”
Let me not ramble on any further…I’ll part with these words “It’s tough emotionally investing in someone to end up being emotionally bankrupt. That is a fearful paradigm.”
Will you go back to him??
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