Male Fears Part 1: “The Fear of Rejection/Opening up” By Amaru Wilcox

September 29, 2012 6 Comments »

By Amaru Wilcox

Whether it’s our job to hunt and make the first move, it damn sure hurts when you get rejected.

Rejection. No one likes it! Let’s be honest now. As a guy, you get a lot of first round rejection. You don’t even get a phone number or a second chance to meet. Just a flat: ‘Umm, NO.’

As men, we are meant to be happy and fine with this but it’s not so. We hurt too! The increased popularity of the friend zone paradigm has really polarised the issue at hand.

Let’s define the word rejected “Dismiss as inadequate, inappropriate, or not to one’s taste” after you have previously attached hope beforehand.

I’ll keep it solid with you out there. I’ve been rejected in my old school days and it can knock the wind out of your sails. It can make you lose that stride in your step and doubt yourself and your external worth. It’s that real.

The opening statement of this piece says: “The fear of rejection/opening up”.

It’s hard to get rejected unless you’ve opened up in some way. The feeling of being rejected is numbing at times, especially when the girl decides on dating some waste man prick instead, who will just try to sleep with her and then go on to the next one. But this is another issue.

To be honest, I haven’t been rejected in years but it could be argued that I haven’t opened up in that time frame either. Who knows?

What I do know is, we are always fighting who we are meant to be to the ladies. Not over sensitive, not over thugged, not too sweet, not to clingy, not too boring, not this and maybe more of that. It’s like being a gymnast, comedian or an actor. Add to this mix: our role in society is being more clouded and the lines of responsibility are becoming less clear, plus financial struggles are greater for us than ever before.

After all this, the ladies tell you to be YOURSELF and that’s where the paradigm of fear is. Forget the sayings and aspirational phrases that people tweet all day, every day. What about when you are yourself and you open to a lady and she rejects you? Let’s think about that for a minute. How many times does a guy have to go through that before they reach a mutual equilibrium of emotions with the lucky lady? Then, what is the impact after all those rejections on the male psyche?

I don’t have the answers. I just wanted to put some of my words out there!

Read Male Fears Part  2Here

Read Male Fears Part 3 Here

Read Male Fears Part 4 Here

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6 Comments

  1. ijeoma 30 September 2012 at 00:33 - Reply

    hmmm….as i was reading i was waiting for you to open up and speak of some of the rejection you mention in your ‘old school’ days…but you didnt. I feel like you’re holding something back. Also it would be good if you lamented further on why you think girls ‘reject’ guys at the initial jump. Baring in mind many females get approached by many guys in one outing, it would be impractical to give your contact details with everyone that asked!! i think you’re scratching the surface here.

  2. Micheal 1 October 2012 at 15:31 - Reply

    Ladies don’t always understand or appreciate how hard it is for men to open up. This editorial touches on the issue loosely. But I think more could of been said about the issue!

  3. NOA 25 October 2012 at 23:18 - Reply

    Ok so I laughed out loud in public because this article was soo engaging, which is why readers may want more. This article can bring a million and one scenarios to mind when it comes to the way men handle rejection. Honestly wether a woman replies by kissing her teeth or saying let’s be friends, it impacts the same way…the later may be worse. I find the sensitivity refreshing… It’s a leap away from the you’re ugly anyway/ on to the next one mentality.

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