The Seven Stages
How Do You Know When You Have Moved On?
Its hardly rocket science to understand that after a break up- long or short term, there is a healing process to that needs to be undergone to close the chapter. There are different methods to accomplish this, all that have different effects on the perceptions and feelings towards parties involved and future decisions.Regardless of the method however, the stages are almost always the same at some point, as like any grief. They are as follows…
1. SHOCK AND DENIAL
You’ll probably react to learning of the loss with numbed disbelief. Whether it be a spontaneous or mutual departing, shock provides the defence mechanism and emotional protection from being overwhelmed all at once. This may last a while.
2. PAIN AND GUILT
As shock wears off, it is replaced with the suffering of unbelievable pain. Whether it be the pain of betrayal, parting or just a feeling of rejection, it is important to embrace this in order to move forward from it.
3. ANGER AND BARGINING
Frustration gives way to anger, this may incur lashing out or blaming others. Often fuelling a dependency on a distraction such as excessive socialising/ partying, drinking, smoking, drugs. Cue rebound partner! Along with this may come reasoning with the universe. ‘If you fix my relationship, I will stop the self- destruction’. ‘Ok universe, I get it! I have learnt my lesson- if you stop the pain, I’ll stop the hurting…’ Who are you fooling?!
4. LONLINESS AND REFLECTION
This overtakes your whole entire being and lingers in every thought and movement, even when you think you have passed it. This is when you evaluate the true magnitude of your lost relationship. Even if the departure is clearly beneficial for your sanity and future, there will always be an element of wishing you remained insane, in the past and still together.
5. THE UPWARD TURN
As you start to readjust to the newly accepted ‘singledom’, emotionally you become calmer. Not wanting to cry as much or as often, or tear the house down scaling the walls of frustration. The lonely reflection becomes eye opening realisation and a wider understanding as to what and why things need to happen.
6. EMOTIONAL RECONSTRUCTION
As life becomes more functional and you remember why there is a point in living, you’ll find yourself seeking realistic solutions to problems posed by life without your past significant other and begin practical rationale within yourself to ensure a peace of mind and prevention of relapse.
The final stage. Acceptance and serenity for the things you cannot change, the past. You genuinely acknowledge that although there may be things about situations you do not understand, you actually may never understand them! But they have all been a lesson learned. The anticipation of good/better things to come and new joyful experiences overcome the negativity of anguish. This isn’t to say you’ll only experience this once. Heartbreak is a way of pain. But this does mean with experience you become wiser about what you will and will not deem acceptable . Things only happen because you let them- not everything, but for sure the things you control.
Just a reflective thought.
Written Billi John (@HoneyBeeBilli)
Check out some of the individual responses below on ”How Do You Know When You Have Moved On”
Time can be a great healer. When it fully doesn’t bother you seeing your ex with another woman…that’s when you’ve won.
I know I’ve moved on when I can be happy they are happy with someone else. Also I know I’ve moved on when I saw the bad side of their looks. It’s shallow but I can’t believe I didn’t realised how big my exes forehead was until I stopped liking him.
When you just don’t care anymore.
I guess when u stop thinking about the person, when ur not angry or bothered by the thought of them dating someone else…
When you can remember the past and appreciate it
When you see the person and you genuinely wish them all the happiness in the world and you know that the past is exactly there, in the past and you don’t talk about it anymore.
Lol when you stop comparing every new person to them.
When the flaws of that person are no longer acceptable to me, that’s when I’m over them.
When you realise that you haven’t thought about them in a long time.
How do u know when you have moved on? You know when that feeling you used to have in the pit of you stomach when you saw, spoke or thought of that person just isn’t there anymore, if it was a painful reason for the split up just isn’t that much of an issue anymore, if you hope that other person can also move on and you wish them the best or you just don’t want them bothering you anymore. If you look at your phone and there number is not in your recent call list and you really can’t remember when it was, when you can’t remember their number off by heart anymore, to be honest, when you just don’t give a damm anymore! I think that’s kinda when you know you’ve moved on.
How do I know I’ve moved on? When I feel peace knowing that he’s happy. Then I know I’ve moved on…
When you’re over being bitter and angry or they no longer have an effect on you.
I think you only know when you’re tested by either seeing that person or talking to that person who you thin you’ve moved on from. u can think you’re over someone just because you’ve been apart for sometime, or because you’re perfectly happy with someone else – but once you’re tested, it all comes back
Being able to identify you have moved on depends on your level of maturity & how you view yourself in the moment. This summer I’ve had the chance to reconnect with my first real love, my high school boy friend & the crush. The first gave me that butterflies in the stomach feeling, the second made me think WTF was I thinking and the third made me count my blessings for dodging that bullet. Three different reactions but have I moved on??? Or do I just need the right opportunity and possibly lighting??