One of the hardest connections we face today is establishing a reciprocal interest in one and other. The truth is we interact with a lot of people today through various platforms… especially through social networking…being friendly can sometimes mean “JUST BEING FRIENDLY”.
However, for both genders it can be frustrating talking to someone for hours on end and never actively discussing your interest in them..furthermore, not knowing genuinely how the other feels/thinks of you. Now TRADITIONALLY this would be predominately the “MANS ROLE”. Traditionally as a Nigerian, i should be out stunting in my Agbada, but traditions are increasingly being ignored for LIBERATION (the seeking of equal status or just treatment for or on behalf of any group believed to be discriminated against).
Maybe, just maybe, men have been discriminated against??? Maybe we don’t want to make the first move??? Maybe like you we fear rejection and have feelings??? Maybe we are tired of chasing??? Maybe we don’t want to copy what the men before us did??? Maybe you ladies need to tell us first how you feel????
As human beings we are innate creatures and inherently our beliefs /values are passed on to us…some of which we do not want aka TRADITIONS……
Lets quickly check out the definition of TRADITION:
“The handing down of statements, beliefs, legends, customs,information, etc., from generation to generation, especially by word of mouth or by practice. A long-established or inherited way of thinking or acting. A continuing pattern of culture beliefs or practices.”
I collated information from a trusted group within my inner circle to ascertain what their individual views are in declaring an interest to a man…FIRST! Read below the unedited response for the NO camp, followed by the responses from the YES camp.
- “Umm to be frankly honest no, I’m too shy and I don’t have the confidence to do so, would rather the guy make the first move”
- “No. A man should be a man lol the type of person I am, I don’t like a man that I can dominate. Strength of character and assuredness in a man speak volumes. Without being extra I feel one day he will need to lead his family so approaching someone who could be part of his future isn’t that big a deal in the grand scheme of things”
- “No but I would make small hints if there was something there between us”
- “Never. If I like a guy then I’ll always wait for him to make the first move”
- “Okay just to clarify I wouldn’t make a move. But I just think its a waste of my time to be wondering whether he likes me back etc especially when people can end up dancing around each other for months. Also if you don’t clarify you could end up liking someone who has no interest in you thinking its something”
- “I’m never usually interested first, I never presume any is interested in me so it never enters my mind that anyone would make a 1st move. Then again my presence should be indication enough. Also I generally believe a guy should make the first move”
- “No. I’m too shy! Yes i like it when a man knows what and who he wants and goes for it”
- “No. Me personally I’m too shy”
- “I have done and it was not a good look”
- ”It depends on how confident I feel on the day but in general no. And if I make the move its often just a physical attraction but nothing else.. so it would just be to boast my ego. If I really like someone I feel too shy to make the first move, that’s when I know its more then a physical attraction and there is depth”
- “Yes. But I would not make it obvious. Subtle”
- Definitely!!!It would be different if it was someone who I knew and were friends with already – maybe I wouldn’t..But if it was someone I’d just met & liked, I’d make it clear that I’m interested, because u could miss an opportunity… & the worst thing that could happen is that its not reciprocated – in which case u can forget about it and move on rather than faffing about trying to interpret his signals and figuring out if he likes u
- “Yes, if I was genuinely interested in having a relationship with him”
- “Yes I would…I think men have got a different perspective on relationships these days. They don’t want to make the first move anymore for a number of reasons. One of the reasons I think is lack of confidence…so why not make it a little easier for them by breaking the ice…When I say I wouldn’t mind making the first move, I’d do it but obviously not in the desperate kind of way…I’d approach him with confidence…real men like that”
- “Yes, but it depends on the level of attention he is already getting”
- “Yes. Reason 1 – men are pu**ies and have over-inflated egos so can’t bare rejection. Reason 2 – men are so used to stush ladies rejecting them they give up unless its a dead cert. Reason 3 – life is too short and if I know what I want I should go get it. The confidence alone impresses guys”
- “Yuuup! Lifes to short! I’d rather oh well’s than what ifs”
- “Yes. But only after I’ve vetted him. I would have to observe him for a bit, see what i can gage e.g. If there’s a chance he might be interested back, if he has a girlfriend, what kinda guy he is etc cos i wouldnt wanna express my interest if there’s no point. But that depends on what i was looking for… For example a guy was just staring at me once, he wasnt necessarily what i go for but he was obviously interested but i was with ppl so he def wasnt gonna approach so i made the first move but i was only looking to be his friend so i didnt vet If i want more than “friendship” i need some indication he might be interested and single before i express an interest”
- “For guys in the age bracket of 28 and below. I wouldn’t have an issue, As I generally find with me they can’t take charge of a situation. They need the bread crumbs to be laid out for them!With older guys, they have the confidence, don’t play games they go and get what they want. By the way, it isn’t a good for if the woman asks. It changes the dynamics of the relationship”
In conclusion for this weeks Sunday Straight up, i will let the words of Lauryn Hill round up today’s views
It could all be so simple
But you’d rather make it hard
Loving you is like a battle
And we both end up with scars
Tell me, who I have to be
To get some reciprocity
No one loves you more than me
And no one ever will
Is this just a silly game
That forces you to act this way
Forces you to scream my name
Then pretend that you can’t stay
Tell me, who I have to be
To get some reciprocity
No one loves you more than me
And no one ever will
THANKS TO ALL THE GOOD LADIES WHO PUT FORWARD THEIR VIEWS!!!!! LET’S DO IT AGAIN NEXT WEEK 9pm
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